I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
