I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
sex in a hospital.. check
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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