i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
