If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
