Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
