i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
