I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Quick, to the slutcave!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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