Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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