It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
