She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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