Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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