A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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