There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We need a shit load of segways right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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