***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He felt like a one man threesome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My vagina is officially offended.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
