i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
