dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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