God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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