I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
