Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
