i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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