I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
