just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
