i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
