My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
