Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
