I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
