Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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