OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
