ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
