Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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