i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
