So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
