i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
