I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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