you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
