i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
