A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
NoShamevember. You game?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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