Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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