First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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