and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
