I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I AM VODKA MAN
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
