goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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