david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
