So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
