just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
