Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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