Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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