i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
