Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
