i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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