I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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