Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
