apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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