There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
