Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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