oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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