Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
