so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
