How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize